Brat...Not! Raising Great Kids!

Kids helping others - World Vision 40 hour famine

I am really proud to let you all know that my 3 kids have decided to participate in this years "World Vision 40 Hour Famine". This is a wonderful opportunity for them to do something that can have amazing far reaching benefits to Children throughout the world in need.

I would love it if you all supported them by sponsoring their efforts in this years "World Vision 40 Hour Famine". Here are their sponsorship web pages where you can go and make a pledge to help them raise funds.

BEN DAVIE'S 40 HOUR FAMINE PAGE

SAM DAVIE'S 40 HOUR FAMINE PAGE

Thanks so much for supporting the boys, as they do a little something to make the word a better place.

How to Get an Organised Family - Guest Blogger Angela Esnouf

First off, let me assure you, we are not perfect.  There are plenty of things we could improve on, like tidiness.  Check out The Difference between Tidy and Organised for insight.

But I am pleased so say we are pretty organised.  And it does come as a surprise to me to see my grown children have picked up my habits along the way.  They seem to have absorbed it without me even noticing.  So here’s how to get an organised family.

1. Be an organised role model
2. Set up processes and systems that cut down on effort, space, time and money
3. Show them the processes and systems
4. Don’t nag.  Instead, demonstrate the benefits of being organised
5. Be truly amazed when 20 years later they demonstrate what they’ve learned

Thanks to Angela Esnouf my first guest blogger - Check out her site CREATING ORDER FROM CHAOS

Six words of Parenting wisdom

Please share with me in Six words youR parenting wisdom. I will start:

GIVE LOVE, GIVE HUGS, UNCONDITIONALLY, FREELY!

Other Peoples Kids!! (OPK for short)

We have just started school holidays here in our home. This is a wonderful time for your kids to have friends over and play at home away from the school in their own space. I think it is great to invite friends over and be invited to friends houses.

This can also be a tricky time and it is also a time where differences in family values come to light.

So if you are a parent who has OPK over to visit, please do not assume that what is OK for your kids is suitable for someone Else's's kids. It si a cold rainy day here today and my son has a friend, they asked if they could watch a DVD. That was fine till I asked what are you planning to watch. "Monty Python" was my 10 year olds reply. he has watched this with his father in the past. I had to quickly put the brakes on that and change tack. The reason being that "Monty Python" could be seen as inappropriate viewing for 10 year old boys, so it was not going to be viewed by someone Else's child without permission for the parent. 

They happily accepted this and moved on to a more age appropriate DVD.

This also goes for Computer games, books, tv and games etc. We do not own a PlayStation, Wii, Nintendo etc in our home, so my kids love visiting friends who do have them and playing these games. However imagine my surprise to find my then 8 year old had been playing a R18 game on PlayStation while at a friends house. his was totally unacceptable to me and I did let the other parent know, that letting their child play it was their prerogative (and they had to live with the consequences) however it is not appropriate to have OPK play it without first scoping out the parents view.

So please enjoy the holidays and have loads of friends over. get them out side when the sun is shining, and supervise the choices they make on TV, Games and Internet. Never ever assume that because you allow it another will as well.

What lesson did you teach your child today!

Kids in the sporting arena have a great chance to learn great skills and fair play. Think about your sport parent behavior, here is an example of how kids learn from the behavior of their parents

In one particular event two kids learned a lesson, one was how to be a fair player and be gracious in defeat, the other learned that is is OK to cheat and show bad sportsmanlike behavior in order to win. Each of these lessons were taught in the actions displayed by the parents present.

What is it about parents who will happily let their child bend rules, tell fibs and generally play badly and act like it is OK, they are the parents who wonder why the kids grows up to be dishonest and difficult teens and adults. MMMM look at the example you set and what you let go by without comment or correction.

On the other hand if my kid had behaved in such a manner with me there, I would have pulled him aside and let him know under no circumstances is such behavior acceptable or warranted. I would have expected him to apologize for his bad behavior.

We are the parents we are the example that our children mould their behavior on. Sometimes we need to remove our blinders and see our kids behavior for what it really is. Never be afraid to reprimand your child if you see them act in a way that is unacceptable. If you worry about what people will think of you, let me tell you, you will regarded as a good parent who is raising a great kid, not as a selfish parent who accepts bad behavior under any circumstance.

So next time you are watching kids play sport take a little moment to think about the example you are setting and the lessons you are teaching.

What is this Mum doing in Sydney?

As a parent it has taken me quiet sometime to understand and appreciate the concept of ME time, and time away from my Kids. Now do not get me wrong, I love them more than ever. however I occasionally get the opportunity to go away without them.

At the moment I am cozied up in a 5 star hotel in Sydney at a Convention of NSAA (National Speakers Association Australia), about to embark on 3 days of Networking,learning and sharing.

What has this got to do with raising kids I hear you ask.

Well alot. As a mother I think it is vital you have some time away from your children, and do what is important to you. Whatever it is you have lost or forgotten as a parent you need to try and recapture with some down time and ME time.

The first time we left our three kids as a couple I found it soul destroying and heart wrenching. However to help me cope I created a story for my kids and I. I would like to share it with you for when you have your tine away from the kids.

When I became a mother as soon as my baby was born, I grew a heart string. This heart string is an invisible connection that runs directly from my heart to the hearts of my three kids. So no mater where I am in the world we are always connected by our heart string. I grew a personal heart string fro each of my three children and will remain connected to them forever.

This little story I made up helped the kids and me know that regardless of where Mum is I love them deeply and unconditionally forever and ever. This may sound sappy to you but if you are ever anxious about leaving your kids. This about your heart string and how it keeps you connected.

Oh and for the record, most of the time the kids do not even miss me when I am away, LOL, so my heart string really is there to make me feel better and connected.

Remember tell your kids you love them every chance you get and show them even more often.

How driving can reflect parenting skills!!

Over the past 10 years at no less than 7 different schools, I have had the opportunity to observe the driving and car park etiquette of hundreds of parents. This has been an incredibly eye opening observation and I am keen to share and also hear your thoughts

I make no apology if you recognize your own behavior here, also I may very well be mentioning my own driving behavior, so do not take it personally but do take note.

MY KID NEVER LISTENS OR FOLLOWS RULES - This is the parent who double parks, parks in no standing zones, stays in the 5 minute zone for 20 minutes, leaves car unattended in middle of car park blocking other cars. 

No wonder your kid does not listen or follow rules, you are setting the example by flouting the rules every time you take them to school, so why expect your kids to be any different. As a parent you lead by example, so make it a good one.

I HAVE BEEN TOLD MY KIDS A BULLY - This parent often drives large intimidating vehicles, blocks off other drivers, takes up more than one parking space, cuts off other drivers, does not use their indicator and generally drives like a pompous ass. 

Your kids a bully cause you are as well, you seem to think the world is there to revolve around you and you will get your way no mater how. You kid is just a reflection of how you are behaving. Give courtesy and fairness a try. Other parents may start to like you and your kid will end up with friends because they like her/him not because he/she bullies them into submission.

MY KID GETS BULLIED AND HAS NO FRIENDS - This parent drives to school in their PJ's then gets out of the car and loudly calls "I love you" as the kids tries to slink away. They will then take up a parking space until bell goes signalling school day has started. Ignoring the queue of cars building up waiting. 

Are you really surprised your kid is embarrassed to know you. Give your kid a break and cut the apron string already. they are seen as a "Mummy's boy/girl" and an easy target for bullies. Stop embarrassing your kid at drop off and pick up time. 

MY KID GETS UPSET IF I LEAVE THEM - This parent parks the car and walks the kid into class, talks to the teacher every morning before school. At the end of the day they find a spot and they wait outside the class door and ambush the teacher when the bell rings. This parent is usually parked in a legal long term spot and follows all the rules of the road.

Your kid cannot wait for you to give them some space, stop smothering and get on with your post school commencement life. It will do you and your kid some good to try the 5 minute drop zone and kiss (in the car) and run. Do not get out of your car, and please give the teacher a break already. This kid is often in the getting bullied category as well.

MY KID IS DOING OK HAS FRIENDS AND ENJOYS SCHOOL - Yes this parent exists, often the kid either walks/bikes to school or buses and has a healthy streak of independence. When this parent is in the car at school they tend to smile and wave to acquaintances, patiently wait for a spot without blocking others, is aware of their surroundings. They will even stop into school and say hello to the teacher a couple of times a term.

This child tends to be well rounded and thoughtful of others, they are popular and invited to loads of play dates. Go figure like parent like child.

I would love to hear what other theories you may have of the way some driving in school zones can reflect what a child is like. Our children are often a reflection of our behavior as parents, so take note and make a change if you need to. Set a good example and the child will notice.

Welcome, Parents everywhere!

Well I am going out on a limb here and publishing a blog that I have no formal training or qualifications in. I am only an active practitioner in the field of parenting, yet that has lead me to think about and look at why some kids are great and others are...well...BRATS.

What made me start this blog was the comment I have heard many times since I started practicing as a parent, that comment is "Your kids are great, how did you manage to get Three really good ones?".

How indeed did we end up with Three fab kids, who do occasionally stoop to Bratdom, that people openly make positive comment about.

So it was this that has put me out on this limb. 

I have decided to explore, observe and report on what sort or parenting makes a great kid and what makes a brat.

You are likely to read things here you do not like or agree with. That is OK, I welcome your comments openly and plan to share them with our readers. Also you may just see yourself in some of the posts that come up, and well I will make no apology for that either.

Just relax enjoy, read and take the opinions and advice in the manner which they are given, as friendly helpful observations from one parent to another.

I also welcome submissions for the Parent resource page, so email a link to me wendy@totallyorganised.co.nz and I will gladly include it if it is relevant to this page. I am keen to find other sites, blogs and resources internationally.

So just who are these 3 great kids that I have raised with my Fab husband, here they are:

Ben, Sam & Grace.

So I hope you enjoy this blog and make it part of your parenting life. Just be aware, I may be talking about you if you are observed in my day to day living, :-) However I promise to keep all identities anonymous and look at the GOOD, BAD and just plain UGLY side to being a parent.